Chapter XIV: Book VIII: I (9)

Though of course you see for yourself in what distress I am, you will learn more about it from Lepta and Trebatius. I am paying very heavily for my rashness, which you want to persuade me was prudence: and I don't want to stop you arguing that it was and writing to me to that effect as often as possible. For your letters afford me a good deal of relief under the present circumstances. You must use your utmost endeavour with those who are my supporters and have influence with him--Balbus and Oppius especially--to make them write about me as strongly as possible. For I hear that I am being attacked by some who are with him, and also by letter. Their attack must be met, as the importance of the matter demands. Fufius, a very bitter enemy of mine, is there. Quintus sent his son not only to make peace for himself, but to accuse me. He keeps saying that I am trying to set Caesar against him, though Caesar and all his friends deny it. And he does not cease, wherever he is, from heaping all sorts of abuse on me. It is the most surprising thing that ever happened to me and the bitterest of all my present sorrows. Those who reported the matter to me professed to have heard it from his own lips, when he was slandering me at Sicyon in the hearing of many. You know his way; indeed you may have had some personal experience of it. Now it is all turned on me. But I increase my own sorrow, and yours too, by speaking of it. So I return to my first point. Take care that Balbus sends some one expressly

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aliquem Balbus. Ad quos videbitur, velim cures litteras meo nomine. Vale. XIII Kal. Ian.

IX

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi III Non. Ian. a. 707_]

Ego vero et incaute, ut scribis, et celerius, quam oportuit, feci, nec in ulla sum spe, quippe qui exceptionibus edictorum retinear. Quae si non essent sedulitate effectae et benevolentia tua, liceret mihi abire in solitudines aliquas. Nunc ne id quidem licet. Quid autem me iuvat, quod ante initum tribunatum veni, si ipsum, quod veni, nihil iuvat? Iam quid sperem ab eo, qui mihi amicus numquam fuit, cum iam lege etiam sim confectus et oppressus? Cotidie iam Balbi ad me litterae languidiores, multaeque multorum ad illum fortasse contra me. Meo vitio pereo; nihil mihi mali casus attulit, omnia culpa contracta sunt. Ego enim, cum genus belli viderem, imparata et infirma omnia contra paratissimos, statueram, quid facerem, ceperamque consilium non tam forte quam mihi praeter ceteros concedendum. Cessi meis vel potius parui. Ex quibus unus qua mente fuerit, is quem tu mihi commendas, cognosces ex ipsius litteris, quas ad te et ad alios misit. Quas ego numquam aperuissem, nisi res acta sic esset. Delatus est ad me fasciculus. Solvi, si quid ad me esset litterarum. Nihil erat, epistula Vatinio et Ligurio altera. Iussi ad eos deferri. Illi ad me

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for this purpose. Please send letters in my name to anyone you think should have them. Farewell.

Dec. 18.

IX

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, Jan. 3_, B.C. _47_]

I have certainly acted incautiously, as you say, and more hastily than I should; and I have no hope seeing that I am tied here by the special clause in the edict. If that had not been inserted by your own kind efforts, I might have gone to some lonely retreat. Now not even that is open to me. How does it help me that I came before the tribunes entered on office, when my coming at all does not help? And what have I now to hope from a man who never was friendly with me, when my ruin and humiliation is secured even by law? Balbus' letters to me are becoming daily cooler, and it may be he receives dozens against me. My own fault is my ruin. Fortune has brought no ills upon me: I have brought them all on my own head. For when I saw what kind of war it was going to be, one side unprepared and weak and the other thoroughly well prepared, I had made my plan--not a very courageous plan perhaps, but one for which there were special excuses in my case. I gave way to my relations, or rather I obeyed them. What the real feelings of one of them were--the one for whom you speak--you will know from the letters he has sent to you and to others. I should never have opened them, had it not been for the following circumstance. A packet was brought to me. I undid it to see if there was any letter for me. There was none; but one for Vatinius and another for Ligurius. Those I had

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statim ardentes dolore venerunt scelus hominis clamantes; epistulas mihi legerunt plenas omnium in me probrorum. Hic Ligurius furere. "Se enim scire summo illum in odio fuisse Caesari. Illum tamen non modo favisse, sed etiam tantam illi pecuniam dedisse honoris mei causa." Hoc ego dolore accepto volui scire, quid scripsisset ad ceteros; ipsi enim illi putavi perniciosum fore, si eius hoc tantum scelus percrebruisset. Cognovi eiusdem generis. Ad te misi. Quas si putabis illi ipsi utile esse reddi, reddes. Nil me laedet. Nam, quod resignatae sunt, habet, opinor, eius signum Pomponia. Hac ille acerbitate initio navigationis cum usus esset, tanto me dolore adfecit, ut postea iacuerim, neque nunc tam pro se quam contra me laborare dicitur.

Ita omnibus rebus urgeor; quas sustinere vix possum vel plane nullo modo possum. Quibus in miseriis una est pro omnibus, quod istam miseram patrimonio, fortuna omni spoliatam relinquam. Quare te, ut polliceris, videre plane velim. Alium enim, cui illam commendem, habeo neminem, quoniam matri quoque eadem intellexi esse parata quae mihi. Sed, si me non offendes, satis tamen habeto commendatam, patruumque in ea, quantum poteris, mitigato.

Haec ad te die natali meo scripsi. Quo utinam susceptus non essem, aut ne quid ex eadem matre postea natum esset! Plura scribere fletu prohibeor.

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sent to them. They came to me at once boiling with indignation and crying shame on him, and they read me letters full of all kinds of abuse of myself. Then Ligurius burst out with fury, "to his certain knowledge Caesar detested Quintus and had favoured him and given him all that money out of compliment to me." After this blow I wanted to know what he had said to the others: for I thought it would be disastrous to his own reputation if such a scandal got abroad. I found they were all of a piece, and have sent them to you. If you think it will do him any good to have them delivered, have them delivered. It won't do me any harm. Though the seals are broken, I think Pomponia has his signet. When, at the beginning of our voyage, he adopted this bitter tone, I was so upset that I was prostrated afterwards; and now he is said to be working against me rather than for himself.

So I am weighed down by such a heavy burden of griefs that I can hardly bear up under it; indeed, I cannot possibly bear up under it. And among all my miseries there is one that outweighs all the rest--that I shall leave that poor girl[175] deprived of her patrimony and penniless. So I hope you will fulfil your promise and look after her. I have no one else to entrust her to, for I hear that her mother is threatened with the same fate as myself. If you do not find me here, take this as sufficient injunction as regards her, and soften her uncle towards her as far as you can.

[175] Tullia.

This I am writing on my birthday. Would that I had been left to die on the day of my birth, or that my mother had never had another child. Tears prevent me from writing more.

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X

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi XII K. Febr. a. 707_]

Ad meas incredibiles aegritudines aliquid novi accedit ex iis, quae de Q. Q. ad me adferuntur. P. Terentius, meus necessarius, operas in portu et scriptura Asiae pro magistro dedit. Is Quintum filium Ephesi vidit VI Idus Decembr. eumque studiose propter amicitiam nostram invitavit; cumque ex eo de me percontaretur, eum sibi ita dixisse narrabat, se mihi esse inimicissimum, volumenque sibi ostendisse orationis, quam apud Caesarem contra me esset habiturus. Multa a se dicta contra eius amentiam. Multa postea Patris simili scelere secum Quintum patrem locutum; cuius furorem ex iis epistulis, quas ad te misi, perspicere potuisti. Haec tibi dolori esse certo scio; me quidem excruciant, et eo magis, quod mihi cum illis ne querendi quidem locum futurum puto.

De Africanis rebus longe alia nobis, ac tu scripseras, nuntiantur. Nihil enim firmius esse dicunt, nihil paratius. Accedit Hispania et alienata Italia, legionum nec vis eadem nec voluntas, urbanae res perditae. Quid est, ubi acquiescam, nisi quam diu tuas litteras lego? Quae essent profecto crebriores, si quid haberes, quo putares meam molestiam minui posse. Sed tamen te rogo, ut ne intermittas scribere ad me, quicquid erit, eosque, qui mihi tam crudeliter inimici sunt, si odisse non potes, accuses tamen

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X

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium Jan. 19_, B.C. _47_]

To my sorrows, which are incalculable, there has come an addition in the news that is brought me about the two Quinti. My friend P. Terentius was acting as deputy to the collector of port-dues and pasture tax in Asia, and he saw young Quintus at Ephesus on the 8th of December and gave him a cordial invitation on account of our friendship. And when he asked him something about me, Quintus told him that I was his deadliest enemy and showed him the manuscript of a speech which he said he was going to deliver before Caesar against me. Terentius said all he could to dissuade him from such folly. Afterwards at Patrae the elder Quintus talked freely to him in the same scandalous strain. What a rage he is in you will have inferred from the letters I sent you. I am sure this will grieve you. To me it is positive torture, especially as I don't expect I shall even have a chance of expostulating with them.

The news I get about the state of affairs in Africa is quite different to what you sent me. They say that all is as strong and as ready as possible. Then there are Spain and Italy alienated from Caesar; his legions are not what they were either in strength or in loyalty; and in the city things are in a poor plight; I cannot get a moment's peace except when I am reading your letters. They would certainly be more frequent, if you had any news which you thought would lighten my sorrows. Still I beg you not to neglect writing to me, whatever the news may be; and, if you cannot bring yourself to hate those who have shown such unfeeling hostility to me, at

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non ut aliquid proficias, sed ut tibi me carum esse sentiant. Plura ad te scribam, si mihi ad eas litteras, quas proxime ad te dedi, rescripseris. Vale.

XII K. Febr.

XI

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi VIII Id. Mart. a. 707_]

Confectus iam cruciatu maximorum dolorum, ne si sit quidem, quod ad te debeam scribere, facile id exsequi possim, hoc minus, quod res nulla est, quae scribenda sit, cum praesertim ne spes quidem ulla ostendatur fore melius. Ita iam ne tuas quidem litteras exspecto, quamquam semper aliquid adferunt, quod velim. Quare tu quidem scribito, cum erit, cui des. Ego tuis proximis, quas tamen iam pridem accepi, nihil habeo quod rescribam; longo enim intervallo video immutata esse omnia; illa esse firma, quae debeant, nos stultitiae nostrae gravissimas poenas pendere.

P. Sallustio curanda sunt HS X̅X̅X̅, quae accepi a Cn. Sallustio. Velim videas, ut sine mora curentur. De ea re scripsi ad Terentiam. Atque hoc ipsum iam prope consumptum est. Quare id quoque velim cum illa videas, ut sit, qui utamur. Hic fortasse potero sumere, si sciam istic paratum fore; sed, priusquam id scirem, nihil sum ausus sumere. Qui sit omnium rerum status noster, vides. Nihil est mali, quod non et sustineam et exspectem. Quarum

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any rate reprove them, not in the hope of doing any good, but to make them feel that I am dear to you. I will write more, if you answer the last letter I sent. Farewell.

Jan. 19.

XI

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, March 8_, B.C. _47_]

Worn out as I am by the agony of my grievous sorrows I should not find it an easy task to write to you, even if there were anything I ought to write; and it is far less easy, when I have nothing worth writing, especially as there is not even a gleam of hope for better days. So hopeless am I that now I do not look forward even to your letters, though they always bring me something I like to hear. So pray write, whenever you have a messenger. I have no answer to give to your last letter, though it is a long time since I received it, for I see no change in the long interval: the right cause is strong, and I am paying very heavily for my folly.

The £250[176] which I had from Cn. Sallustius are to be paid to P. Sallustius. Please see that it is done without delay. I have written to Terentia about it. And now it is nearly all spent: so I wish you would arrange with her for some money for me to go on with. I shall possibly be able to get some here, if I know I have a balance at Rome; but, before I know that, I dare not try. You see the position of all my affairs. There is no sort of misfortune which I am not enduring and expecting. For this state of affairs

[176] 30,000 sesterces.

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rerum eo gravior est dolor, quo culpa maior. Ille in Achaia non cessat de nobis detrahere. Nihil videlicet tuae litterae profecerunt. Vale.

VIII Idus Mart.

XII

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi VIII Id. Mart. a. 707_]

Cephalio mihi a te litteras reddidit a. d. VIII Id. Mart. vespere. Eo autem die mane tabellarios miseram; quibus ad te dederam litteras. Tuis tamen lectis litteris putavi iam aliquid rescribendum esse ea re maxime, quod ostendis te pendere animi, quamnam rationem sim Caesari allaturus profectionis meae tum, cum ex Italia discesserim. Nihil opus est mihi nova ratione. Saepe enim ad eum scripsi multisque mandavi, me non potuisse, cum cupissem, sermones hominum sustinere, multaque in eam sententiam. Nihil enim erat, quod minus eum vellem existimare, quam me tanta de re non meo consilio usum esse. Posteaque, cum mihi litterae a Balbo Cornelio minore missae essent illum existimare Quintum fratrem "lituum" meae profectionis fuisse (ita enim scripsit), qui nondum cognossem, quae de me Quintus scripsisset ad multos, etsi multa praesens in praesentem acerbe dixerat et fecerat, tamen nilo minus his verbis ad Caesarem scripsi:

"De Quinto fratre meo non minus laboro quam de me ipso, sed eum tibi commendare hoc meo tempore non audeo. Illud dumtaxat tamen audebo petere

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I feel the greater sorrow, because my fault is greater. My brother in Achaia does not cease slandering me. Your letter has of course had no effect. Farewell.

March 8.

XII

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, March 8_, B.C. _47_]

Cephalio delivered a letter from you on the 8th of March in the evening. Now on the morning of the same day I had sent messengers and had given them a letter for you. But, when I read yours, I thought I ought to send some answer, particularly because you show you are in doubt as to what explanation I am going to offer Caesar of my departure when I did depart from Italy. I have no necessity for a new explanation, for I have often told him myself and instructed others to tell him that I could not put up with people's talk, although I wished it, and much else to the same effect. For there is nothing that I should be more unwilling for him to imagine than that I did not make up my own mind on so important a question. Afterwards I received a letter from Cornelius Balbus the younger saying that Caesar thought my brother Quintus had sounded the bugle for my departure (that was his expression). I was not then aware of what Quintus had written about me to many people; but, though he had spoken and acted with great bitterness when face to face with me, none the less I wrote to Caesar as follows:

"I am as much troubled about my brother Quintus as about myself; but under the present circumstances I do not venture to recommend him to you. One thing, however, I will venture to ask you--I

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abs te, quod te oro, ne quid existimes ab illo factum esse, quo minus mea in te officia constarent, minusve te diligerem, potiusque semper illum auctorem nostrae coniunctionis fuisse, meique itineris comitem, non ducem. Quare ceteris in rebus tantum ei tribues, quantum humanitas tua amicitiaque vestra postulat. Ego ei ne quid apud te obsim, id te vehementer etiam atque etiam rogo."

Quare, si quis congressus fuerit mihi cum Caesare, etsi non dubito, quin is lenis in illum futurus sit idque iam declaraverit, ego tamen is ero, qui semper fui. Sed, ut video, multo magis est nobis laborandum de Africa; quam quidem tu scribis confirmari cotidie magis ad condicionis spem quam victoriae. Quod utinam ita esset! Sed longe aliter esse intellego teque ipsum ita existimare arbitror, aliter autem scribere non fallendi, sed confirmandi mei causa, praesertim cum adiungatur ad Africam etiam Hispania.

Quod me admones, ut scribam ad Antonium et ad ceteros, si quid videbitur tibi opus esse, velim facias id, quod saepe fecisti. Nihil enim mihi venit in mentem, quod scribendum putem. Quod me audis erectiorem esse animo, quid putas, cum videas accessisse ad superiores aegritudines praeclaras generi

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beseech you to acquit him of doing anything to disturb my sense of your claims on me or to lessen my affection for you, and rather to regard him as the main factor of our union and the companion, not the leader, in my departure. And therefore in all other matters you will give him all the credit that your own kindness and your mutual friendship demands. What I earnestly beg you again and again is, that you will not let me stand in his light with you."

So, if I ever do meet Caesar, though I have no doubt that he will be lenient to Quintus and that he has already made that plain, I shall behave as I always have behaved. But, as I see, what I ought to be most anxious about is Africa, which you say is daily growing stronger, though only to the extent of raising hopes of a compromise rather than a victory. If it could only be true! But I read the signs quite differently, and I think you agree with me, and only say the contrary to hearten me, not to deceive me, especially as Spain too has now joined Africa.[177]

[177] After his victory in Spain in 49 B.C., Caesar left Q. Cassius Longinus in command there; but Spain went over to Pompey and both Longinus and his successor, C. Trebonius, were driven out.

You advise me to write to Antony and others. If you think it necessary, please do it for me, as you have often done before; for I cannot think of anything worth writing. You hear I am less broken-spirited; but can you believe it, when you see that to my former troubles are now added my son-in-law's fine doings?[178] However, pray do not cease

[178] Dolabella as tribune endeavoured to introduce a bill for the relief of debtors, which caused riots.

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actiones? Tu tamen velim ne intermittas, quod eius facere poteris, scribere ad me, etiamsi rem, de qua scribas, non habebis. Semper enim adferunt aliquid mihi tuae litterae.

Galeonis hereditatem crevi. Puto enim cretionem simplicem fuisse, quoniam ad me nulla missa est.

VIII Idus Martias.

XIII

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi VII Id. Mart. aut paulo post, a. 707_]

A Murenae liberto nihil adhuc acceperam litterarum. P. Siser reddiderat eas, quibus rescribo. De Servi patris litteris quod scribis, item Quintum in Syriam venisse quod ais esse qui nuntient, ne id quidem verum est. Quod certiorem te vis fieri, quo quisque in me animo sit aut fuerit eorum, qui huc venerunt, neminem alieno intellexi. Sed, quantum id mea intersit, existimare te posse certo scio. Mihi cum omnia sint intolerabilia ad dolorem, tum maxime quod in eam causam venisse me video, ut sola utilia mihi esse videantur, quae semper nolui.

P. Lentulum patrem Rhodi esse aiunt, Alexandreae filium, Rhodoque Alexandream C. Cassium profectum esse constat. Quintus mihi per litteras satis facit multo asperioribus verbis, quam cum gravissime accusabat. Ait enim se ex litteris tuis intellegere tibi non placere, quod ad multos de me asperius scripserit,

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doing what you can to hearten me, that is writing to me, even if you have nothing to say. For a letter from you always brings me something.

I have accepted Galeo's legacy. I suppose it only required a simple form of acceptance,[179] since none was sent to me.

[179] _cretio_ = the formal acceptance of a legacy, and _cretio simplex_ apparently means that no restrictions on the form of acceptance were laid down in the will.

March 8.

XIII

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brudisium, March 9_ (?), B.C. _47_]

I have not received any letter from Murena's freedman as yet. It was P. Siser who delivered the one I am answering. You speak of a letter from Servius' father, and you tell me some say that Quintus has landed in Syria: neither is true. You want to be informed how those who have come here feel or felt towards me. I have not found any ill-disposed: but, how important that is to me, I am sure you can imagine. To me the whole state of affairs is insufferably painful; and most of all that I have got myself into such a case, that the only things that can be of any use to me are precisely what I have always wished not to happen.

They say the elder P. Lentulus is at Rhodes, the younger at Alexandria, and it is certain that C. Cassius has left Rhodes for Alexandria. Quintus has written to apologize to me in terms much more irritating than when he was abusing me most violently. For he says that he understands from your letter that you were annoyed with him for writing

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itaque se paenitere, quod animum tuum offenderit; sed se iure fecisse. Deinde perscribit spurcissime, quas ob causas fecerit. Sed neque hoc tempore nec antea patefecisset odium suum in me, nisi omnibus rebus me esse oppressum videret. Atque utinam vel nocturnis, quem ad modum tu scripseras, itineribus propius te accessissem! Nunc, nec ubi nec quando te sim visurus, possum suspicari.

De coheredibus Fufidianis nihil fuit quod ad me scriberes; nam et aequum postulant, et, quicquid egisses, recte esse actum putarem. De fundo Frusinati redimendo iam pridem intellexisti voluntatem meam. Etsi tum meliore loco res erant nostrae neque tam mihi desperatum iri videbantur, tamen in eadem sum voluntate. Id quem ad modum fiat, tu videbis. Et velim, quod poteris, consideres, ut sit, unde nobis suppeditentur sumptus necessarii. Si quas habuimus facultates, eas Pompeio tum, cum id videbamur sapienter facere, detulimus. Itaque tum et a tuo vilico sumpsimus et aliunde mutuati sumus; nunc Quintus queritur per litteras sibi nos nihil dedisse, qui neque ab illo rogati sumus neque ipsi eam pecuniam aspeximus. Sed velim videas, quid sit, quod confici possit, quidque mihi de omnibus des consilii; et causam nosti.

Plura ne scribam, dolore impedior. Si quid erit, quod ad quos scribendum meo nomine putes, velim, ut soles, facias, quotiensque habebis, cui des ad me litteras, nolim praetermittas. Vale.

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harshly about me to many people, and so he is sorry that he hurt your feelings: but he was right in what he did. Then he explains with the greatest coarseness why he did it. But he would never have shown his hatred for me either now or before, if he had not seen that everything was against me. How I wish I had got nearer to you, even by night-journeys as you suggested. Now I cannot conceive where or when I shall see you.

As to my co-heirs in Fufidius' property, there was no reason for you to write to me: for their demand is quite just, and anything you did I should think right. As to the repurchase of the estate at Frusino, you know already what I wish. Though my affairs were then in a better position, and I did not expect to be in such desperate straits, still my mind has not altered. How it is to be done, you will arrange. And please consider to the best of your ability some way of obtaining ready money for current expenses. All the money I had I handed over to Pompey at a time when it seemed advisable to do so. So then I took money from your steward and borrowed from others, and now Quintus complains by letter that I did not give him a penny, when he never asked for it and I never set eyes on the money myself. But please see what can be managed and what advice you have to give me on all points: you know all about it.

Grief prevents me from writing more. If there is anything you think should be written to anyone in my name, please do so as usual; and as often as you have anyone to whom you can give a letter to me, don't forget it. Farewell.

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XIV

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi circ. VI K. Mai. a. 707_]

Non me offendit veritas litterarum tuarum, quod me cum communibus tum praecipuis malis oppressum ne incipis quidem, ut solebas, consolari faterisque id fieri iam non posse. Nec enim ea sunt, quae erant antea, cum, ut nihil aliud, comites me et socios habere putabam. Omnes enim Achaici deprecatores itemque in Asia, quibus non erat ignotum, etiam quibus erat, in Africam dicuntur navigaturi. Ita praeter Laelium neminem habeo culpae socium; qui tamen hoc meliore in causa est, quod iam est receptus. De me autem non dubito quin ad Balbum et ad Oppium scripserit; a quibus, si quid esset laetius, certior factus essem, tecum etiam essent locuti. Quibuscum tu de hoc ipso conloquare velim et ad me, quid tibi responderint, scribas, non quod ab isto salus data quicquam habitura sit firmitudinis, sed tamen aliquid consuli et prospici poterit. Etsi omnium conspectum horreo, praesertim hoc genero, tamen, in tantis malis quid aliud velim, non reperio. Quintus pergit, ut ad me et Pansa scripsit et Hirtius, isque item Africam petere cum ceteris dicitur. Ad Minucium Tarentum scribam et tuas litteras mittam; ad te scribam, num quid egerim. HS X̅X̅X̅ potuisse mirarer, nisi multa de

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XIV

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, circa Apr. 25_, B.C. _47_]

I am not offended with you for telling me the truth in your letter and not even attempting, as you were wont, to console me under my burden of public and personal woes, which you confess is impossible now. For affairs are no longer in the position they were, when, if nothing else, I thought I had companions and partners in my policy. For all those in Achaia and in Asia, who petitioned for pardon and did not obtain it, and even some of those who did, are said to be on the point of sailing for Africa. So I have no one to share my fault except Laelius, and even he is in a better position than I am in one respect, as he has been taken back now.[180] But about me I have no doubt that Caesar has written to Balbus and Oppius: if the news had been good, I should have heard from them and they would have spoken to you too. I should like you to speak to them about it and to let me know what they say, not that any safeguard given by him can have any certainty, but still something can be foreseen and provided for. Though I am ashamed to look anyone in the face, especially with such a son-in-law, still in this disastrous crisis I see nothing else to wish for. Quintus is still keeping on, as both Pansa and Hirtius have written to tell me; and he is said too to be making for Africa with the rest. I will write to Minucius at Tarentum, and send your letter: I will let you know whether anything comes of it. I should have been surprised that

[180] By the loyalist party.

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Fufidianis praediis. Sed avide tamen[181] te exspecto; quem videre, si ullo modo potest (poscit enim res), pervelim. Iam extremum concluditur; quod quale sit, ibi facile est,[182] hic gravius existimare. Vale.

[181] Sed avide tamen te _Wesenberg_: et advideo tamen _MSS._

[182] quod quale sit, ibi facile est _Purser_: ibi facile est, quod quale sit _MSS._

XV

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi prid. Id. Mai. a. 707_]

Quoniam iustas causas adfers, cur te hoc tempore videre non possim, quaere, quaeso, quid sit mihi faciendum. Ille enim ita videtur Alexandream tenere, ut eum scribere etiam pudeat de illis rebus, hi autem ex Africa iam adfuturi videntur, Achaici, item ex Asia redituri ad eos aut libero aliquo loco commoraturi. Quid mihi igitur putas agendum? Video difficile esse consilium. Sum enim solus aut cum altero, cui neque ad illos reditus sit neque ab his ipsis quicquam ad spem ostendatur. Sed tamen scire velim, quid censeas; idque erat cum aliis, cur te, si fieri posset, cuperem videre.

Minucium X̅I̅I̅ sola curasse scripsi ad te antea. Quod superest, velim videas, ut curetur. Quintus non modo non cum magna prece ad me, sed acerbissime scripsit, filius vero mirifico odio. Nihil fingi

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you were able to raise the £250,[183] if there had not been a good receipt from Fufidius' estates. However I am looking forward eagerly to your coming: it is my great desire to see you, if it is anyhow possible--for indeed circumstances demand it. The end is now drawing near; and, what it will be, it is easy to estimate at Rome, but here it is more difficult. Farewell.

[183] 30,000 sesterces.

XV

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, May 14_, B.C. _47_]

Since you give good reasons why I cannot see you at the present time, pray consider what I am to do. For although Caesar holds Alexandria, he seems to be ashamed even to send a dispatch about it, while the others are apparently on the eve of coming here from Africa, and those in Achaia too are either going to return from Asia to join them or they are going to stop in some neutral place. So what do you think I am to do? I see advice is difficult. For I am the one and only person--except perhaps one other, who cannot return to the one party and who has no hope at all offered him from the other. Still I should like to know what you think: and that was one reason, among others, why I should have liked to see you, if it were possible.

I told you before that Minucius has only paid £100.[184] Please see that the rest is provided. Quintus in his letter instead of an earnest appeal used the most bitter language, and his son showed extraordinary animosity. There is no conceivable ill

[184] 12,000 sesterces.

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potest mali, quo non urgear. Omnia tamen sunt faciliora quam peccati dolor, qui et maximus est et aeternus. Cuius peccati si socios essem habiturus ego, quos putavi, tamen esset ea consolatio tenuis. Sed habet aliorum omnium ratio exitum, mea nullum. Alii capti, alii interclusi non veniunt in dubium de voluntate, eo minus scilicet, cum se expedierint et una esse coeperint. Ei autem ipsi, qui sua voluntate ad Fufium venerunt, nihil possunt nisi timidi existimari. Multi autem sunt, qui, quocumque modo ad illos se recipere volent, recipientur. Quo minus debes mirari non posse me tanto dolori resistere. Solius enim meum peccatum corrigi non potest et fortasse Laeli. Sed quid me id levat? Nam C. quidem Cassium aiunt consilium Alexandream eundi mutavisse.

Haec ad te scribo, non ut queas tu demere[185] sollicitudinem, sed ut cognoscam, ecquid tu ad ea adferas, quae me conficiunt; ad quae gener accedit et cetera, quae fletu reprimor ne scribam. Quin etiam Aesopi filius me excruciat. Prorsus nihil abest, quin sim miserrimus. Sed ad primum revertor, quid putes faciendum, occultene aliquo propius veniendum an

[185] queas tu demere _M_ (_margin_): quem tuam demere _M_.

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with which I am not oppressed. But all of them are lighter to bear than my sense of guilt: that is overwhelming and enduring. If I were to have those, whom I thought I had, to share that guilt, that would still be some consolation, though a poor one. But every one else's case admits of some way out, mine of none. Some were captured, some cut off, so there is no doubt about their intentions, especially since they have extricated themselves and joined forces again. Nay even those, who of their own free will came to Fufius,[186] can only be thought cowards. But there are many who will be taken back, however they choose to take themselves back to the fold. So you ought not to be surprised that I cannot bear up against all my sorrow. For I am the one and only person whose slip cannot be mended, except perhaps Laelius--and what good is that?--for they say even C. Cassius has changed his mind about going to Alexandria.

[186] Q. Fufius Calenus was appointed governor of Greece after Pharsalia by Caesar, and many Pompeians surrendered to him.

This I am writing to you not in the hope that you may remove my care, but to know whether you have any suggestion to make about the things that are wearing me out: to the rest you may add my son-in-law and other things which tears prevent me from writing. Why, even Aesopus'[187] son grieves me sorely. There is absolutely nothing wanting to make me the most miserable of men. But I return to the first point. What do you think I ought to do, come secretly

[187] Aesopus was a famous tragic actor and a friend of Cicero. His son was dissolute and supposed to have a bad influence on Dolabella.

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mare transeundum. Nam hic maneri diutius non potest.

De Fufidianis quare nihil potuit confici? Genus enim condicionis eius modi fuit, in quo non solet esse controversia, cum ea pars, quae videtur esse minor, licitatione expleri posset. Hoc ego non sine causa quaero. Suspicor enim coheredes dubiam nostram causam putare et eo rem in integro esse malle. Vale.

Pr. Idus Maias.

XVI

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi III Non. Iun. a. 707_]

Non meo vitio fit hoc quidem tempore (ante enim est peccatum), ut me ista epistula nihil consoletur. Nam et exigue scripta est et suspiciones magnas habet non esse ab illo; quas animadvertisse te existimo. De obviam itione ita faciam, ut suades. Neque enim ulla de adventu eius opinio est, neque, si qui ex Asia veniunt, quicquam auditum esse dicunt de pace; cuius ego spe in hanc fraudem incidi.

Nihil video, quod sperandum putem, nunc praesertim, cum ea plaga in Asia sit accepta, in Illyrico, in Cassiano negotio, in ipsa Alexandrea, in urbe, in Italia. Ego vero, etiamsi rediturus ille est, qui adhuc

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somewhere nearer Rome, or cross the sea? For stay here any longer I cannot.

Why could nothing be settled about Fufidius' estate? For the arrangement was one about which there is generally no dispute, since the share, which seems smaller, can be made up by the proceeds of the sale.[188] I have a reason for asking. For I suspect my co-heirs think my case is doubtful, and so prefer to keep the matter open. Farewell.

[188] If property could not be divided fairly among heirs, the indivisible part was put up for private auction among them and the proceeds divided.

May 14.

XVI

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, June 3_, B.C. _47_]

It is not my fault at the present time (for I did commit an error before) that the letter you send[189] does not give me any consolation. For it is grudgingly written, and raises great suspicion that it is not by Caesar: I expect you noticed that too. About going to meet him I will do as you advise. For no one thinks he is coming, and those who come from Asia say there has been no word of peace: and it was hope of a peace that led me into this error.

[189] A letter purporting to come from Caesar, but later found to be a forgery.

I see nothing to make me think of hope, especially now that that blow has fallen in Asia, in Illyricum, in the Cassian affair, in Alexandria itself, in Rome and in Italy.[190] For my part, even if he is on his return--whereas

[190] Cicero alludes to the defeat of Domitius Calvinus in Asia, the failure of Aulus Gabinius in Illyricum, the insurrection of Baetica, which forced Cassius to leave the province, Caesar's difficulties at Alexandria, the riots in Rome, and the mutinous state of the army in Italy.

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bellum gerere dicitur, tamen ante reditum eius negotium confectum iri puto.

Quod autem scribis quandam laetitiam bonorum esse commotam, ut sit auditum de litteris, tu quidem nihil praetermittis in quo putes aliquid solacii esse, sed ego non adducor quemquam bonum ullam salutem putare mihi tanti fuisse, ut eam peterem ab illo, et eo minus, quod huius consilii iam ne socium quidem habeo quemquam. Qui in Asia sunt, rerum exitum exspectant, Achaici etiam Fufio spem deprecationis afferunt. Horum et timor idem fuit primo qui meus et constitutum; mora Alexandrina causam illorum correxit, meam evertit. Quam ob rem idem a te nunc peto quod superioribus litteris, ut, si quid in perditis rebus dispiceres, quod mihi putares faciendum, me moneres. Si recipior ab his, quod vides non fieri, tamen, quoad bellum erit, quid agam aut ubi sim, non reperio; sin iactor, eo minus. Itaque tuas litteras exspecto, easque ut ad me sine dubitatione scribas, rogo.

Quod suades, ut ad Quintum scribam de his litteris, facerem, si me quicquam istae litterae delectarent. Etsi quidam scripsit ad me his verbis: "Ego ut in his malis Patris sum non invitus; essem libentius, si frater tuus ea de te loqueretur, quae ego audire vellem." Quod ais illum ad te scribere me

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he is said to be still fighting--still I think the business will be settled before he does return.

You say, however, that some feeling of pleasure was aroused among the loyalists when they heard of this letter. Of course you do not omit anything in which you think there is the least consolation, but I cannot bring myself to believe that any of the loyalists supposed that I prize any salvation highly enough to beg for it of him: especially as I have not even a single partner in this policy now. Those who are in Asia are waiting to see how things turn out: those in Achaia too keep holding out to Fufius the hope that they will petition for pardon. They at first had the same fear and the same plan as myself; but the hitch at Alexandria improved their case and ruined mine. So I still make the same request of you as in former letters: if in these desperate straits you see anything you think I ought to do, tell me of it. If I am taken back by the loyalists, which you see is not the case, still, so long as the war lasts, I don't see what I am to do or where I am to stay; still less, if I am rejected by them. So I await a letter from you, and I beg you to write to me without hesitation.

You advise me to write to Quintus about this letter. I would, if the letter gave me any pleasure, though some one has written to me saying: "Considering the evil days, I am pretty comfortable at Patrae, and I should be more so, if your brother would speak of you as I should like to hear him."

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sibi nullas litteras remittere, semel ab ipso accepi. Ad eas Cephalioni dedi, qui multos menses tempestatibus retentus est. Quintum filium ad me acerbissime scripsisse iam ante ad te scripsi.

Extremum est, quod te orem, si putas rectum esse et a te suscipi posse, cum Camillo communices, ut Terentiam moneatis de testamento. Tempora monent, ut videat, ut satis faciat, quibus debeat. Auditum ex Philotimo est eam scelerate quaedam facere. Credibile vix est, sed certe, si quid est, quod fieri possit, providendum est. De omnibus rebus velim ad me scribas, et maxime quid sentias de ea, in qua tuo consilio egeo, etiam si nihil excogitas. Id enim mihi erit pro desperato.

III Non. Iun.

XVII

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi prid. Id aut Id. Iun. a. 707_]

Properantibus tabellariis alienis hanc epistulam dedi. Eo brevior est, et quod eram missurus nostros. Tullia mea venit ad me pr. Idus Iunias deque tua erga se observantia benevolentiaque mihi plurima exposuit litterasque reddidit trinas. Ego autem ex ipsius virtute, humanitate, pietate non modo eam voluptatem non cepi, quam capere ex singulari filia debui, sed etiam incredibili sum dolore adfectus tale ingenium in tam misera fortuna versari idque accidere

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As to his writing to you to say that I don't answer any of his letters, I've only had one from him. To that I gave an answer to Cephalio, but he was delayed many months by storms. I have already mentioned that young Quintus has written to me most bitterly.

The last thing I have to ask you is, that, if you think it right and care to undertake it, you and Camillus together should advise Terentia to make her will. Circumstances suggest that she ought to make provision for satisfying her creditors. I hear from Philotimus that she is doing some underhand things. I can hardly believe it; but anyhow, if there is anything of the kind (and there possibly may be), it ought to be guarded against. Please write to me about everything, and especially what you think about her. I want your advice about her, even if you cannot think of any plan: for in that case I shall take it the case is desperate.

June 3.

XVII

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, June 12 or 13_, B.C. _47_]

I have given this letter to some one else's messengers, who are in a hurry. That is why it is short; also because I am just going to send my own. Tullia came to me on the 12th of June and told me of all your attention and kindness to her and delivered three letters. I however have not derived the pleasure from her goodness, kindness and affection, which I ought to derive from a matchless daughter, nay, my grief exceeds all bounds when I think that such a fine character should be involved in such a

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nullo ipsius delicto summa culpa mea. Itaque a te neque consolationem iam, qua cupere te uti video, nec consilium, quod capi nullum potest, exspecto, teque omnia cum superioribus saepe litteris tam proximis temptasse intellego.

Ep. XVIIa

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi XVII K. Quint. a. 707_]

Ego cum Sallustio Ciceronem ad Caesarem mittere cogitabam; Tulliam autem non videbam esse causam cur diutius mecum tanto in communi maerore retinerem. Itaque matri eam, cum primum per ipsam liceret, eram remissurus. Pro ea, quam ad modum consolantis scripsisti, putato ea me scripsisse, quae tu ipse intellegis responderi potuisse.

Quod Oppium tecum scribis locutum, non abhorret a mea suspicione eius oratio. Sed non dubito, quin istis persuaderi nullo modo possit ea, quae faciant, mihi probari posse, quoquo modo loquar. Ego tamen utar moderatione, qua potero; quamquam, quid mea intersit, ut eorum odium subeam, non intellego.

Te iusta causa impediri, quo minus ad nos venias, video, idque mihi valde molestum est. Illum ab Alexandrea discessisse nemo nuntiat, constatque ne profectum quidem illim quemquam post Idus Martias nec post Idus Decembr. ab illo datas ullas litteras. Ex quo intellegis illud de litteris a. d. V Idus Febr. datis,

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distressful fate, and that this should happen through no fault of hers, but through my own grave error. So I do not expect any consolation from you now, though I see you are ready to offer it, nor any counsel, since none can be taken: and I realize that you have tried every way in your former letters and in these last.

XVIIa

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, June 14_, B.C. _47_]

I am thinking of sending my son with Sallustius to Caesar. As for Tullia, I see no reason for keeping her with me any longer when both of us are in such sorrow: so I am going to send her back to her mother, as soon as she herself will allow me. In return for the letter which you wrote in a consolatory style, please consider that I have made the only answer, which, as you yourself know, was possible.

You tell me Oppius has had a talk with you: and what you say agrees well enough with my suspicions of him. But I feel sure that party[191] can never be convinced that their actions can possibly win my approval, whatever I may say. However, I will be as moderate as I can: though, what difference it makes to me, if I do incur their enmity, I cannot conceive.

[191] Caesar's followers.

I see you have a good reason for not being able to come to me: and I am very sorry that is so. There is no news that Caesar has left Alexandria; and it is well known that no one at all has left that place since the 15th of March, and that he has despatched no letters since the 13th of December. So you see it was quite untrue about the letter dated Febr. 9,

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quod inane esset, etiamsi verum esset, non verum esse. L. Terentium discessisse ex Africa scimus Paestumque venisse. Quid is adferat aut quo modo exierit, aut quid in Africa fiat, scire velim. Dicitur enim per Nasidium emissus esse. Id quale sit, velim, si inveneris, ad me scribas. De HS X̅, ut scribis, faciam. Vale.

XVII Kal. Quinctiles.

XVIII

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi XII K. Quint. a 707_]

De illius Alexandrea discessu nihil adhuc rumoris, contraque opinio valde esse impeditum. Itaqae nec mitto, ut constitueram, Ciceronem, et te rogo, ut me hinc expedias. Quodvis enim supplicium levius est hac permansione. Hac de re et ad Antonium scripsi et ad Balbum et ad Oppium. Sive enim bellum in Italia futurum est, sive classibus utetur, hic esse me minime convenit; quorum fortasse utrumque erit, alterum certe. Intellexi omnino ex Oppi sermone, quem tu mihi scripsisti, quae istorum ira esset, sed, ut eam flectas, te rogo. Nihil omnino iam exspecto nisi miserum, sed hoc perditius, in quo nunc sum, fieri nihil potest. Quare et cum Antonio loquare velim et cum istis et rem, ut poteris, expedias et mihi quam primum de omnibus rebus rescribas. Vale.

XII Kal. Quinctil.

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though it would not have been of any importance, if it had been true. I hear L. Terentius has left Africa and come to Paestum. What news he brings, or how he got out, or what is happening in Africa, I should like to know. For he is said to have been passed out through the agency of Nasidius. What it all means, I wish you would write and tell me, if you find out. I will do as you say about the 80 guineas.[192] Farewell.

[192] 10,000 sesterces.

June 14.

XVIII

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, June 19_, B.C. _47_]

There is no rumour of his leaving Alexandria as yet: on the contrary, he is thought to be in great difficulties. So I am not sending my son, as I had arranged, and I beseech you to get me away from here: for any punishment is lighter to bear than staying here. On this point I have written to Antony, to Balbus and to Oppius. For whether there is going to be a war in Italy, or whether he will employ his fleet--and it may be either, but one it must be--this is a most inappropriate place for me. I understood of course from what Oppius said according to your letter, how angry they are with me: but I beg you to turn their anger. I don't expect anything now that is not unpleasant: but my present condition is as desperate as anything can be. So please speak with Antony and the Caesarians, and see the matter through for me as best you can: and let me have an answer on all points as soon as possible. Farewell.

June 14.

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XIX

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi XI K. Sext. a. 707_]

Cum tuis dare possem litteras, non praetermisi, etsi, quod scriberem, non habebam. Tu ad nos et rarius scribis, quam solebas, et brevius, credo, quia nihil habes, quod me putes libenter legere aut audire posse. Verum tamen velim, si quid erit, qualecumque erit, scribas. Est autem unum, quod mihi sit optandum, si quid agi de pace possit; quod nulla equidem habeo in spe; sed, quia tu leviter interdum significas, cogis me sperare, quod optandum vix est.

Philotimus dicitur Id. Sext. Nihil habeo de illo amplius. Tu velim ad ea mihi rescribas, quae ad te antea scripsi. Mihi tantum temporis satis est, dura ut in pessimis rebus aliquid caveam, qui nihil umquam cavi. Vale.

XI Kal. Sexti.

XX

CICERO ATTICO SAL.

[Sidenote: _Scr. Brundisi XVI K. Sept. a. 707_]

XVII K. Septembres venerat die XXVIII Seleucea Pieria C. Trebonius, qui se Antiocheae diceret apud Caesarem vidisse Quintum filium cum Hirtio. Eos de Quinto, quae voluissent, impetrasse nullo quidem negotio. Quod ego magis gauderem, si ista nobis impetrata quicquam ad spem explorati haberent. Sed

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XIX

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, July 22_, B.C. _47_]

As I had a chance of giving a letter to your men, I did not miss it, though I have nothing to say. You are writing less often than you used to do and less fully, I suppose because you have nothing that you think I should be glad to read or hear. However please write, if there is anything of any kind whatever. There is one thing that I do long for, any possibility of a peace: myself I have no hope of such a thing: but, as you sometimes give a slight hint, you compel me to have some hope of what I hardly dare long for.

Philotimus is said to be coming on the 13th of August. Of Caesar I have no further news. Please answer my former letter. I only want time enough to take some precaution now in my misfortunes, as I have never taken any before. Farewell.

July 22.

XX

CICERO TO ATTICUS, GREETING.

[Sidenote: _Brundisium, Aug. 15_, B.C. _47_]

On the 14th of August there arrived from Seleucea Pieria C. Trebonius after 28 days' journey: and he said he had seen young Quintus at Antioch in Caesar's train with Hirtius. They had got what they wanted about my brother without any difficulty at all. I should feel more joy at that, if what I have got myself gave me some sure ground for hope.[193] But there are things

[193] Or, as Tyrrell, "if the granting of such petitions afforded, in my opinion, any sure basis for hope."

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