Chapter II: The Women

The misfortune of the Adelaide women is that they were not born quadrupeds--they are a kind of mistake for cats, and only lack the outward and visible sign of the feline tribe. (Hard to be cat by nature and inclination, and be compelled to wear the guise of woman!) Moreover, they make one believe in the old Spanish tradition, that cats are descended from snakes. The outward semblance of the Adelaide female is intense respectability, and of course, in many cases, being homely to look upon, and exceeding badly clothed, she has no temptation to err from the paths of strict propriety. The poorer type is terrible to look upon, and the rich women make one wonder how they manage to spend so much money in clothing their nakedness, and with such disastrous results. Still, there are a few younger specimens who are passing fair, and if rescued in time, might ornament a brighter sphere. We see large possibilities in younger female Adelaide, and this saddens us, knowing as we do that, if timely rescue is not effected, these fair maids will grow up like the older generation, and find their main recreation in discussing the foibles of women--aye, and men too--who are outside, or beyond their sympathies, and who are, doubtless, infinitely superior to themselves.

I appeal to all large-hearted, intelligent men from the other States--from anywhere, provided you are clean, well-behaved, and, incidentally, possessed of your fair share of this world’s goods--come and marry the fair daughters of Adelaide. There are many who are good to look upon, and quite intelligent, and with care it is not too late for them to develop into good wives and mothers, and, better still, broad-minded, enlightened, interesting women.

There is also a less objectionable type of femininity here--the harmless--but she is uninteresting, and therefore not to be forgiven. She is usually stupid by nature, and charitable by inclination, the sort of person of whom one says, “She’s a dear, good woman--so kind.” She cannot be objectionable, because she has no deep feelings--she cannot be morally bad, because she has no strong passions--and she cannot be spiteful, because she is soon taught that, having few charms, she cannot hope to compete with those who have.

Feminine Adelaide has, as we hinted before, wild and terrible ideas of dress; every gown she wears is a sartorial crime, and bitter is her hatred and jealousy for any who exploit clothes better, or less offensive than her own. It follows that, with such limitations she, as a type, hates a broad, cultured, or enlightened woman. I have watched the fate of one or two splendid brainy women here, and have inwardly smiled--Bow to the conventions, O woman! if you would appear well in the eyes of Adelaide.

To sample local charity--in a family of my acquaintance, the cook, a girl of nineteen, previously respectable, went wrong. In any civilized community the mistress, recognising a valuable servant, would have done what she could at the time, and taken her back when the trouble was over. But the lady in question simply dismissed her, thereby offering a further incentive to a young girl to go wrong.

It must be remembered, however, that the unfortunate girl of Adelaide gets few of the advantages of higher education, and is generally brought up in total ignorance of the serious things of life.

I know one family of four daughters, the eldest twenty-one, who have never been allowed to enter a theatre, although their father, a tolerably well-educated man, says he believes in a thorough education. When it was suggested to him that his daughters might see the “Midsummer Night’s Dream,” he was horrified. To be sure, these girls are motherless--a kind, sensible mother would surely understand that Shakespeare is a desirable branch of education.

Let us glance at local society. In a street I know, on one corner, Rags, a cheap but successful draper, has reared a red and white edifice. Opposite, the lady who once sold hats to fairer sisters in Melbourne, espoused to quite an important person, has wormed her way into the chosen few. Further up, an inferior edition of the share market assumes the pretensions of a Grand Duke.

Then we have Tobacco married to Alcohol, and, bashing in the smiles of the very select--a quondam shepherd and a city waitress united in holy matrimony, and entertaining largely; a nurse also secured one of the matrimonial prizes. The daughter of a cocky farmer has snared a son of one of Adelaide’s first families; a dentist’s apprentice (daughter of a handsome barmaid) has caught another. There are funnier cases than these, but I forbear to cite them--I have quoted enough to show how aristocratic is the society that sets so high a store on its smiles and favours.

Just outside the social pale one or two decently educated men have married _nymphes de pavées_, but these of course are carefully shunned by Adelaide’s best and fairest.

Women of Adelaide--If I have down-trodden your pet virtues, or wounded your susceptibilities, or flown in the face of your dearest prejudices, during a boring existence among you, it has been with the best motives--with a desire to keep abreast of the times, and not to become embedded in musty conventionalities.

CHAPTER III.

THE LESSER ANIMALS.

I HAVE not devoted much time to the classification of these, but I believe that they comprise chiefly mosquitoes, cockroaches, flies, rats, and Lady Kitty.

_PART III.--GENERALITIES._