Chapter VII: Prologue: 6 (2)

_Trif._ Well, well, granted, my dear Nibble, it is laced.

_Nib._ Why then I aver by all the Rules of Criticism to make the improbability out of imposing upon Mr. Strickland, that Jacyntha's Hat ought to be laced too, and by all that is absurd it is a plain one.

_Trif._ Well come, there is something in that; that is a Fault I must confess, that is a Fault by gad.

_Nib._ O an unpardonable one; I assure you Jack Wagwit and a parcel of us was going to hiss the whole Scene upon that Account.

_Trif._ No, no, that would have been cruel; you know Homer himself sometimes nodded. Don't take any Notice of it to anybody, and it shall be altered tomorrow Night. I'll speak to the Author about it--O here's my Lady and Mr. Canker--now for a thorough Criticism upon it.

(_Enter Lady_ CRITICK, CANKER, HEARTLY, HARRIET _and
Sir_ PATRICK)

_Lady._ Well, I protest Mr. Canker, I am surprized at your Judgment. You will certainly be laughed at by all the Polite part of the World.

_Cank._ Madam, I hold the Vulgar in as much Contempt as I do the Rabble in the Shilling Gallery; both Herds are ignorant, and praise and condemn, or censure or applau[d], not from a Judgment in the Art, which should be the Director, but from the ignorant Dictates of Nature: mere Affection, like Moliere's old Woman.

_Heart._ Well, for my Part, I shall always prefer the irregular Genius who from mere Affection compels me to laugh or cry, to the regular Blockhead who makes me sleep according to Rule.

_Cank._ Have a Care, Mr. Heartly, none but the Ignorant ever despised Rules.

_Heart._ Nor none but the ill natured or the envious ever judged by the Extremity of Rules. And the laws of Criticism like the Penal Laws should be explained in a favourable Sense lest the Critick like the Judge should be suspected of Cruelty or Malice against the Criminal.

_Sir Pat._ Upon my Honour, Sir, I think you talk mighty reasonably. I think there should be no Law [at] all, and then everybody might do what they please.

_Trif._ Right, right, Sir Patrick! Liberty and Property, I say--demme I am not for Criticks--your Homers and your Virgils--and your Coke upon Littleton, and a parcel of Fellows--who talk of Nothing but Gods and Goddesses--and a Story of a Cock and a Bull--as hard to be understood as a Welch Pedigree.

_Sir Pat._ Upon my Honour, so they are very hard! And that Milton's a strange Fellow too--_he has got a devilish sight of Devils along with him that nobody knows any thing of but himself_--the Devil a one of 'em all I know but one--and that was old Belzebub--you know we have often heard of him, for he was Lucifer's Wife.

_Trif._ For my Part I assure you I never could understand Milton.

_Sir Pat._ Nor I, upon my Honour, Mr. Trifle--tho' I admire him greatly, him and Shakespear are my Favourites, but I could never understand them.

_Trif._ O Shakespear--old Shakespear--O Shakespear is a clever Fellow, ay, ay,--I admire Shakespear to the Skies--I understand him very well, Sir Patrick.

_Lady._ Mr. Canker, finding fault in general is unfair.

_Cank._ Madam, if you will hear me, I will come to particulars and if I don't convince you, and all the Company that it is void of Plot, Character, Wit, Humour, Manners, and Moral, I will ever after submit to be thought as ignorant as I now think those Criticks are who so much admire it.

_Nib._ As to his want of Manners, that I think is as obvious as Mathematical Demonstration--was there ever anything so rude as to bring the Character of our Friend Jack Maggot on the Stage, who is a young Fellow of Family and Fortune, and as well known about Town as I am, and is as good natured and as inoffensive a Creature as ever travelled. I vow as soon as ever I saw him come upon the Stage, I was shocked.--It was vastly unpolite to introduce a young Fellow of his Figure in Life upon a publick Theatre--I suppose he will bring some of our Characters on the Stage in his next Play--if he does I protest I'll make a party to hiss it.

_Lady._ You may be mistaken, Mr. Nibble, i[t] may be a general and not a particular Character that is meant by Mr. Maggot.

_Cank._ Madam, Mr. Nibble's Observation is just, and it is impossible he can be mistaken. For my part, I know Jack Maggot as well as I do myself, or as I do who is meant by Mr. Strictland.

_Heart._ Mr. Canker, this is most invidious Criticism and what the best Writers from Fools and Knaves are most liable to. But instead of injuring, it serves an Author with the Judicious; for it only proves the Copies to be so highly finished that Ignorance and Malice compliment them as known Originals.

_Lady._ I protest, Mr. Heartly, I think you quite right in your Answer, and if Mr. Canker has nothing more Material to offer against the Play, he will be very Singular in his Censure.

_Cank._ Pray what does your Ladyship think of his Ladder of Ropes?

_Lady._ Why lookee, Mr. Canker, he may have transgressed probability by it, I grant you--but I will forgive an Author such Transgressions at any time when it is productive of so much Mirth.

_Heart._ Judiciously observed, my Lady.

_Trif._ Well, by gad, I like the Ladder of Ropes of all things.

_Sir Pat._ Upon my Honour so do I.

_Nib._ Well, I vow I think they are vastly absurd. Pray what do you think, Miss Harriet?

_Har._ I think it is a very simple and a very probable Machine, and productive of many happy Incidents, every one of which naturall[y] arise[s] out of each other, and have this peculiar Beauty, which other Incidents upon the Stage have not, that each of them begins with a Surprize that raises your Anxiety and ends with a turn the least unexpected, which could you have foreseen, would have been what you would have wished.

_Lady._ Very nicely distinguished, Harriet; I protest that is the greatest Encomium I have heard of the Play yet.

_Heart._ And the justest, Madam.

_Cank._ O intolerable! Monstrous! Shocking! Such Ignorance! (_Aside_) Pray Madam, not to mention the improbability, where was the Necessity for a Ladder of Ropes?

_Sir Pat._ What Necessity? Arra why do you ask such a foolish Question? I'll tell you what Necessity--Why it was put there for the young Man, the Templer, to go up Stairs into the House.

_Omnes._ Ha, ha, ha, ha!

_Heart._ Very well explained, Sir Patrick; it is a proper Answer.

_Cank._ But pray, Ladies--I speak to you in particular, who best know the Nature of the Question I am going to ask--how can you justify the impoliteness of making Clarinda, a Lady of Fashion and Fortune, in full dress trudge the streets at twelve o'Clock at Night in Contradiction to all Reason, Probability, and Politeness?

_Sir Pat._ Poo, poo! That's foolish now. Why what has a Stage Play to do with Reason and Probability? If a Tragedy makes you laugh and a Comedy makes you cry, as Mr. Heartly said just now, what would you have more?

_Omnes._ Ha, ha, ha.

_Sir Pat._ And as to the young Lady's going home a Foot, that is easily answered. You are to suppose it was a rainy Night and that she walked home to save Chair hire, because there was never a Coach to be had.

_Omnes._ Ha, ha, ha.

_Sir Pat._ I am sure it is very natural to walk. I have done so a hundred times.

_Omnes._ Ha, ha, ha.

_Trif._ My dear Sir Patrick, give me your Hand! Thou art the top Critick of the Age, let me perish.

_Nib._ Ignorant Wretches!

_Cank._ Was ever Man so tortured with such Fools! (_Aside_)--I hope, Mr. Heartly, you will not offer to vindicate the Dialogue. There is not one Attempt to Wit all through the Play, but that about the Gravestone; the Characters all speak like People in common Conversation.

_Heart._ I thought that was a Beauty, Mr. Canker.

_Cank._ Yes just as barrenness is in Land. Don't you see, Sir, what Whicherly and Congreve have done in their Comedies?

_Heart._ Yes Sir, and I know what their Masters, Terence, Plautus, Moliere, and our own Johnson have done, who thought themselves most excellent in their Dialogue when they could make their Characters speak, not what was most witty, but what was most proper to Time, Place, Character, and Circumstance.

_Lady._ Upon my Word, Mr. Heartly, you are a very accurate Critick, and I am entirely of your Judgment.

_Cank._ Well, but allowing it all [it] deserves, why must it be praised so very much?

_Heart._ Because, Sir, Praise is the food, and too often the only Reward of Merit; and none deny it but the ill natured and the envious.

_Cank._ And none give it but the Ignorant or the Fulsome.

_Heart._ Sir, that is not very Complaisant--pray Sir, who do you mean by the Ignorant?

_Trif._ Ay, Sir, who is't you mean?

_Sir Pat._ Ay, Sir, who do you mean? I hope you don't mean me.

_Cank._ You, and all of you who like this Piece--You are Men, Fops in Understanding, catch your Judgments from each other as you do your Dress, not because they are right, but that they are the Fashion, _and you make as ridiculous a Figure in Criticism as an Ape in human Cloathing_.

_Lady._ Give me leave to tell you, Mr. Canker, that you want Politeness.

_Cank._ Madam, I am sorry your Ladyship obliges me to tell you that you want Judgment.

_Lady._ Not to see into you, Sir--Your Envy shall never be rude or troublesome to any of my Family again, I assure you, Sir.

_Cank._ Nor shall your Ignorance or your Niece's ever be troublesome to me again; I would as soon Match into a Family of Hottentots.

_Lady._ O mighty well, Sir!--Harriet, I desire you will never think of Mr. Canker more.

_Har._ I shall obey your Commands, Madam.

_Lady._ Want Judgment! A Family of Hottentots!

_Sir Pat._ Upon my Honour that was unpolite--and you might as well say I want Judgment.

_Trif._ Ay, by Gad, or I.

_Cank._ You are those kind of Judges who are brought into the Channel of Criticism by the Springtide of Fashion, part of the Rubbish which helps to swell it above the Mark of Truth, and with its Ebb, return as precipitately as you came in, and are never heard of more.

_Trif._ Dullness seize me! If I understand what you mean by your Springtide, your Fashion, and your Rubbish--I insist upon the Play, [it] is a good Play--quite tip top, the best Play in life, split me!

_Sir Pat._ Faith, so it is, Mr. Trifle, a very good Play, for the Author told me so himself--and you know it must be good when I had it from his own Mouth.

_Lady._ Did you ever see the Author, Sir Patrick?

_Sir Pat._ No, Madam, but I had it at second hand, from a third Parson, and that's the same thing, you know.

_Omnes._ Ha! ha! ha!

(_Enter a_ FOOTMAN)

_Foot._ Mr. Advocate the Lawyer is come; he bid me inform your Ladyship that the Writings are ready.

_Lady._ Very well. (_Exit Footman_) We shall [have] no Occasion for them tonight nor never in regard to Mr. Canker.

_Heart._ I protest, Madam, this Hour's Conversation and its Circumstances, tolerably handled, would make, a la mode a Francaise, an agreeable Petit Piece.

_Lady._ Not a bad thought, I vow, Mr. Heartly.

_Heart._ Shall I recommend it to your Ladyship? I know your Talents for the Drama, and I'll answer for its Success.

_Trif._ And so will I by Jupiter; my Lady, we'll make a party on purpose to support it.

_Sir Pat._ And so will I by all the Gods in Virgil's Iliad! O I'll come alone with a hundred Catcalls of my Acquaintance to support it.

_Heart._ Shall we prevail on your Ladyship?

_Lady._ Upon my Honour, I don't dislike the Whim, if you will promise your Assistance, Mr. Heartly.

_Heart._ Your Ladyship does me Honour; you may command me and Mr. Canker shall be the Hero.

_Lady._ Really I am afraid his Character is so very high that the Audience will never allow it to be natural.

_Heart._ That part of the Audience who would know the Copy by themselves might condemn it through Policy as being exaggerated, but the Candid and Judicious who could not be hurt by it and who know the Nature of Envy would approve it. Besides Farce will admit of Characters being a little outre.

_Lady._ I protest you are a mighty good Critick, Mr. Heartly, but I am afraid we shall want Plot in our Petit Piece, Mr. Heartly.

_Heart._ Not at all, my Lady! There is no great Demand for Plot in a Farce, but to please the Criticks we'll have a little. The main Business must be the exposing an envious Author, and the Plot must be to provoke his Envy to neglect his Mistress and to quarrel with your Ladyship, the Poetical Justice of which must be your breaking off the intended Match, and giving me his Mistress, who am to be his Rival; and as the Piece is to be a temporary thing, I dare say the Audience will make reasonable Allowances.

_Lady._ I vow I like the Contrivance mightily, and I think there's something very Singular and very Novel.

_Trif._ And pray, Heartly, what part shall I have in it?

_Heart._ You shall be the Jack Maggot of the Farce, which shall be so trifling that you may be either kept in or left out.

_Sir Pat._ And what part shall I have in your Play, Mr. Heartly?

_Heart._ Really, Sir Patrick, I know no Business you can have in it, unless it be to make the Audience laugh.

_Sir Pat._ Faith then I have a good Hand at that--for I am so very witty that I always make Company laugh wherever I come.

_Nib._ Mr. Heartly, give me leave to tell you your Farce will never succeed, for your Characters will be too high for that Species of the Drama, and not half ridiculous enough.

_Heart._ To remedy that, Sir, we will bring in your Character at the End of the Farce as a Satyr upon all Criticks who find fault with Trifles.

_Trif._ Ha, ha, admirable! That will be delightful! Quite tip top or may I perish, ha.

_Lady._ Pray what shall we call our little Piece, Mr. Heartly?

_Heart._ Why really, Madam, I can't think of any Title better at present than the New Play Criticized, or the Plague of Envy.

(_Enter_ FOOTMAN)

_Foot._ Sir Charles Stanza and another Gentleman are come to wait on your Ladyship.

_Lady._ Come Gentlemen, let us go and tell Sir Charles and the Author of our Design; so if you please, Mr. Canker, you may go along with us and be by at the Planning of our little Piece--No, I know his Envy won't suffer him to hear us compliment the Author. That would be out of Character, so we will leave him to consider of an Epilogue for our Farce.

Rough Draft of an EPILOGUE

(_Enter a_ POET _shabbily dressed_)

Hissed, catcalled, and exploded to a man
By those who cannot write, and those who can,
How shall a recreant bard in nature's spight
Save one poor piece, and live a second night?
What--shall he try the arts of low grimace,
Rant like old Bayes, and with a begging face
Implore the patient monarchs of the Pit
To let dull farce pass off for sterling Wit?
No faith--his brother critics most he fears,
And wisely waves the privilege of Peers--
Nor disapproves he less the threadbare plea
Of wit in rags, and learned Poverty--
If, like a son of those bright nymphs, the Nine
He e'er pr[o]fer a prayer at Phoebus' shrine,
Ask him to dart one genial beam on Earth
To hatch the Nothing of his Brain to birth,
That prayer or never comes, or comes too late;
The Nine still hold him illegitimate.--
In this Distress where next his application?
Where, but to thee thou darling Goddess, Fashion!
Fashion, the reigning Genius of today
Whose verdict speaks the fate of each new play,
Whose _mandate_ gives the power to save or kill,
Lends Amoret her eyes and Ward his pill;
If Fashion, mighty arbiter of merit,
Allows it, right or wrong, some wit and spirit,
Then shall this farce like other farces too
Run eighteen nights or more and still be new;
Each different night, a different audience meet,
And Hawkers cry it up in evr'y Street.

NB. This will damn the piece![8]

NOTES TO THE PLAYS

1. Larpent ms 58 is dated April, 1746, in another hand and bears the following note to the Licenser: "April 15th, 1746. Sir, I have given Mrs. Macklin leave to act this farce for her Benefit provided it meets with the Approbation of my Lord Chamberlain. Your humble Servant. J. Lacy."

2. Smart is addressed as Dick in this speech in the ms. Three speeches later Rattle is addressed as Jack. Elsewhere in the ms. it is Jack Smart and Dick Rattle.

3. The following line, "You may feel it if you please." is crossed out in the ms.

4. The following phrase, "and most liable to be hurt" is crossed out in the ms.

5. Larpent ms 64 is dated "March 17th, 1746/7" and bears the following note to the Licenser: "Sir--I have given Mr. Macklin leave to perform this Piece at His Benefit at my Theatre, provided it meets with the Approbation of my Lord Chamberlain, from your most obedient Humble Servant, J. Lacy."

6. A "Prologue to the Plague of Envy" addressed in another hand to "Mr. Macklin in Bow Street, Covent Garden," is included with Larpent ms. 64. The Prologue is preceded by the following note: "The following is taken from the Title of the Farce; the Writer for the Subject on the Stage; and hopes his Ignorance of the Manner in which you treat it, will excuse any Want of Approbation that may be in it."

7. Spelled _Tom_ in the ms. Elsewhere Trifle is addressed as _Tim_ Trifle.

8. The Epilogue, in a different hand than that of the play's scribe, appears similar to the handwriting of the Prologue. Cf. n.6

9. Larpent ms 96 is dated 1752 and bears the following note to the Licenser: "Sir, This piece called Covent Garden Theatre or Pasquin turned Drawcansir Mr. Macklin designs to have performed at his Benefit Night with the permission of his Grace the Duke of Grafton. I am Sir your humble Servant, Jno. C. Rich. To William Chetwyne Esq."

10. This character, spelled "Romp" in the ms, is probably meant to be the Prompter who does not appear in the Dramatis Personae but speaks twice offstage in this act.

11. Although Hic and Haec Scriblerus appear in the Dramatis Personae, this is his only speech and his entrance on stage is never indicated.

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PUBLICATIONS IN PRINT

1948-1949

16. Henry Nevil Payne, _The Fatal Jealousie_ (1673).

18. Anonymous, "Of Genius," in _The Occasional Paper_, Vol. III, No. 10 (1719), and Aaron Hill, _Preface to The Creation_ (1720).

1949-1950

19. Susanna Centlivre, _The Busie Body_ (1709).

20. Lewis Theobald, _Preface to the Works of Shakespeare_ (1734).

22. Samuel Johnson, _The Vanity of Human Wishes_ (1749), and two _Rambler_ papers (1750).

23. John Dryden, _His Majesties Declaration Defended_ (1681).

1950-1951

26. Charles Macklin, _The Man of the World_ (1792).

1951-1952

31. Thomas Gray, _An Elegy Wrote in a Country Churchyard_ (1751), and _The Eton College Manuscript_.

1952-1953

41. Bernard Mandeville, _A Letter to Dion_ (1732).

1962-1963

98. _Select Hymns Taken Out of Mr. Herbert's Temple_ (1697).

1963-1964

104. Thomas D'Urfey, _Wonders in the Sun; or, The Kingdom of the Birds_ (1706).

1964-1965

110. John Tutchin, _Selected Poems_ (1685-1700).

111. Anonymous, _Political Justice_ (1736).

112. Robert Dodsley, _An Essay on Fable_ (1764).

113. T. R., _An Essay Concerning Critical and Curious Learning_ (1698).

114. _Two Poems Against Pope_: Leonard Welsted, _One Epistle to Mr. A. Pope_ (1730), and Anonymous, _The Blatant Beast_ (1742).

1965-1966

115. Daniel Defoe and others, _Accounts of the Apparition of Mrs. Veal_.

116. Charles Macklin, _The Covent Garden Theatre_ (1752).

117. Sir George L'Estrange, _Citt and Bumpkin_ (1680).

118. Henry More, _Enthusiasmus Triumphatus_ (1662).

119. Thomas Traherne, _Meditations on the Six Days of the Creation_ (1717).

120. Bernard Mandeville, _Aesop Dress'd or a Collection of Fables_ (1704).

1966-1967

122. James MacPherson, _Fragments of Ancient Poetry_ (1760).

123. Edmond Malone, _Cursory Observations on the Poems Attributed to Mr. Thomas Rowley_ (1782).

124. Anonymous, _The Female Wits_ (1704).

125. Anonymous, _The Scribleriad_ (1742). Lord Hervey, _The Difference Between Verbal and Practical Virtue_ (1742).

126. _Le Lutrin: an Heroick Poem, Written Originally in French by Monsieur Boileau: Made English by N. O._ (1682).

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PUBLICATIONS FOR 1967-1968

127-128. Charles Macklin, _A Will and No Will, or a Bone for the Lawyers_ (1746). _The New Play Criticiz'd, or The Plague of Envy_ (1747). Introduction by Jean B. Kern.

129. Lawrence Echard, Prefaces to _Terence's Comedies_ (1694) and _Plautus's Comedies_ (1694). Introduction by John Barnard.

130. Henry More, _Democritus Platonissans_ (1646). Introduction by P. G. Stanwood.

131. John Evelyn, _The History of ... Sabatai Sevi ... The Suppos'd Messiah of the Jews_ (1669). Introduction by Christopher W. Grose.

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